You can now share your obsession with As the Disq Turns with the whole world by purchasing real life AtDT swag! That’s right! You can rub a piece of AtDT against your body in the privacy of your own basement dwelling!
Have you been obsessively whining about everything that happens on this channel since channel creation began on Disqus? Are you still whining even though channels are gone? Then buy yourself one of these, and own your whiny nostalgia forever!
Are you still butthurt that I banned you? Are you upset that I banned you again because you thought that with a whole new website we’d all be best buds even though you’re still a piece of shit? Well, this one’s for you! Our best seller!
Are you bitter that the little emoji stars didn’t magically disappear (yet)? Well, you can pretend you have one with one of these bad boys! It’s true!
Make sure to carry the tote with you at all times and get yourself the pillow to fondle in the privacy of your own bedroom!
But wait! There’s more idiotsplaining! Something about Fortnite! And real names (which no one uses and we can still have ONLY ONE FUCKING USERNAME ON DISQUS THAT’S NOT OUR REAL NAME, it’s not hard, vuppster!)
And? Who cares. It’s not like real sites use Disqus anyway.
And now he’s getting upset. Poor dear.
Um, where? Funny he’s not linking to the ‘PLEASE MAKE SOCK AND BOT ACCOUNTS AND UPVOTE YOURSELVES SILLY’ help section to prove his point, innit? Oh wait
The important question: Is he drunk or is he high? You decide.
Once again, some moron upset himself because he assumed I’m male based on my avatar. Yes, that’s right, a person who’s avatar IS NOT EVEN HUMAN is upset that MY AVATAR IS A MALE AND I AM NOT. (Not to mention they think it’s Vincent Price, but that’s a whole other issue… *looks pointedly at Jaye*)
How do these people function in the real world? They must go into fits when men have long hair and women have short hair. If I’m wearing a band t-shirt do they think I’m the entire band? What the fuck do they do on Halloween, cower in their basements due to the uncertainty? Anyway…
In honor of this dumbassery happening for the millionth time, here are a couple of blasts from ATDT’s past:
1) ATDT’s Wild Disqus Presents: How to spot a whackjob by their avatar
Here in the wilds of Disqusland, it can sometimes be difficult to spot a whackjob until it’s too late. But there are some simple tells that whackjobs can’t avoid, and one of them is the avatars they tend to choose. The avatars you should generally look out for are:
American Flags:
Usually only flown by internet assholes
Confederate Flags:
Always flown by internet racists
Eagles:
Usually a libertarian or some other random moron who knows nothing about anything
Eyeball closeups:
Generally a run of the mill nutjob creeper weirdo
People with any of the above avatars are often found shouting FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM, crying about “liberals”, inbreeding amongst themselves, getting banned for not understanding how to interact with human beings, and/or creating multiple sockpuppets and upvoting themselves and each other in religious frenzies.
Approach with caution. Even better, just ban and block the motherfuckers. Trust me, it will be no loss to you or the community whatsoever.
2) Fun Fact: Only incels whine about avatars not matching genders online
Case in point:
PROITP FOR INCELS LIKE PAUL: If an online avatar doesn’t immediately inform you that a person isn’t interested because they are a real human being with standards, you should just assume that from the get-go. No one will ever be interested in you – male, female, or your usual go-to, farm animals of any gender. You and your hand will just have to continue your “special” relationship! Make sure to say “hi” to your pals at return of kings for all of us!
By the way, Meaka made a typo – she doesn’t “love dick”, she “loves dicks”. How can you tell? If she posts on your “blog”, you’re a dick.
But at least they’re showing downvotes now…except they’re wimping out and not showing who’s downvoting. Come on, Disqus! You can sell tickets to the drama + commercials and I can laugh my ass off at all the serial downvoters scrambling to delete their accounts so you can’t see all the old downvotes they insisted they never made! It’s a win-win!
Miraculously, the Reverend Oral Subconscious resurrected himself in several new forms and insisted it was the work of The Lord! You’d think that The Lord could spell and make some damn sense, but apparently not. In fact, the Reverend’s Sockpuppet Army, as they have become known, constantly participates in circle jerks in front of children and then denies they did so, even when presented with evidence of their activities.
The World’s Dumbest Secret Agent Mark 3 was caught by a mad scientist and placed in a maze from which he is unable to escape, which is especially sad since the “maze” is really a straight corridor with some cheese at the end. The rats previously got to the end ages ago and are now learning to read, while poor Mark 3 is languishing. The mad scientist keeps him around for comic relief at this point.
The Upvotologists have been kicked out of all public spaces for being disruptive and generally insane. Unfortunately for them, this means they can’t buy food in supermarkets like normal people, and have now resorted to cannibalizing the members with the fewest upvotes.
A strange new player has arrived in town. No one knows who he is, but he keeps shouting “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!” at random passers-by, hoping they’ll pay him the least bit of attention. They don’t.
Will the Reverend realize that the world knows that he and his sockpuppet army are all the same person?
Will the World’s Dumbest Secret Agent Mark 3 ever get out of the maze?
Will the Upvotologists contract some sort of brain wasting disease from eating their own?
Grandma Moses learns that Chevy, the pig that she thought she ate, is actually alive when she sees it on a local news program. Outrageously enough, a local farmer has decided to put it up for election for a seat on the local town council.
“I figger since an orange pig can run for President, a pink one can run for town council! Yip,” the farmer told the reporter on the screen. “Don’t matter that this ‘un can’t even walk upright or talk or nothin’! He got a nasty ol’ disposition, too! And he smells like three week ol’ shit.”
“Well, that got through the censors! OOPS!” replied the reporter. “What’s your pig’s name? Does he have a campaign slogan?”
“Yessir! I just call ‘im Turd ‘cos that’s what he smells like! And his slogan is ‘A VOTE FOR TURD IS A VOTE FOR A PIG’. Catchy, ain’t it?”
Granny turned the TV off and wondered what the fuck kind of bacon she actually ate back then.
Yep, the dregs of Disqus are still dredging the depths of decency.
Here we have No-Knees Mahony, racisting as only he can:
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: A “plantationist, an oriental, a gay man, and two house negroes” walked into a bar. They all beat the shit out of MC because he’s a racist piece of shit, even though they didn’t exist anywhere but in his addled mind. Then they took away the “free” new knees he got thanks to Obama and gave them to someone way more deserving.
He’s also so jealous of News Views, he may have burst the last working blood vessel in his brain, as evidenced below:
Learn to speak English if you want to live in this country, MC!
If only there was some way to spot idiots like this in the wild…oh wait! There is!
In related news, congratulations to News Views and their high Google ranking!
Sorry that 435174183r541534.racist isn’t working out for you, Mr. ‘Jernilist”!
Let’s see, who else? Oh yes, Ms. Attention Whore Moron (lifetime achievement award recipient), still accusing other people of doing what she denies she did and does constantly herself:
Looking good. Meaka!
The hypocrisy is astounding, as are her whoring skills. Wait, is it whoring if you do it for free? A question for the ages!
Share additional dregs updates in the comments below!
