All the news that isn't news, except trolls think it's news
In addition: And, in conclusion: Stop crying. It’s okay not to be able to post here, really.** **DISCLAIMER: Nᴏᴛ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴏsᴛ ᴏɴ AᴛDT ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ sᴇᴠᴇʀᴇ ʙᴜᴛᴛʜᴜʀᴛ, ᴇxᴄᴇssɪᴠᴇ ᴛᴀɢɢɪɴɢ, ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ ᴅɪᴘsʜɪᴛᴛᴇʀʏ. Dᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɢᴇᴛ ʙᴀɴɴᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ sᴜᴘᴇʀᴠɪsɪᴏɴ. Iғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴ ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʀᴇ sᴛɪʟʟ ʙᴇɢɢɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀʟʟᴏᴡᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴏsᴛ…
ALAYNA: Hi, I’m Alayna! I exist only in the mind of some troll! MARTIN: OMG! Me too! Let’s be best friends! A: Okay! What shall we do today, bestie? M: Let’s try to get into Walmart without a mask! A: Let’s take our guns with us, too! *CUT TO 20 MINUTES IN THE FUTURE* NEWSCASTER:…
Looks like everyone’s favorite “self-published” Kindle “book” is getting a sequel! In Succubus 2: The Hydroxycholoroquine Factor, a new character, Dr. (I’m not a real doctor, I have a degree from a Cracker Jack box … in Science!) Stella Immanuel attempts to cure people of Succubus possession by using a drug she found for 5…
People (especially those who look like Jeffrey Epstein post mortem) seem to be having difficulty understanding how NOT to get featured on As the Disq Turns. It’s very simple: Especially don’t threaten to shut a forum down for the hundred millionth time, while then contradicting yourself saying you really don’t want to shut it down,…
The Great Outdoorsman has banned our own Leslie Lannister! For those unfamiliar, TGO is a forum filled with pre-pubescent boys talking about assblasting, shitting, and necrophilia. But why was Leslie banned? Was someone offended on behalf of Yoko Ono? But wait! What is this about? Is there some kind of strange love triangle here between…
It’s only taken 5 years, but a few of the usual suspects have finally realized why As the Disq Turns exists (even though it’s always said why in the description). Good job, guys! Don’t worry, we promise to ease you into the purpose of The Onion so you don’t hurt yourselves!
We here at As the Disq Turns like to keep our content fresh and highly intellectual, so we’ve decided to add a new Book Review segment. Enjoy! “Lemons Aren’t The Only Fruit – Or Are They Minerals?” by Morel “Joe” Mahoney Winner of the Karen Prize for dumbest fiction, Lemons Aren’t The Only Fruit –…
In an amazing turn of events, drug maker Pfizer (known mainly for Pro-Exit) has determined that masks protect users from 5G frequencies. An official announcement is expected later today. Public reaction has been highly favorable: “I used to make up stories about how masks were bad for you because I’m a complete moron, but now…
The reviews keep coming in! FLAGGED! The Musical is a huge hit! FLAGGED! The musical is the story of Whiny Bitch and his cronies, who are flagged by a figment of their imagination they call “FLAGGED!”. It stars a mirror as “FLAGGED!”, Gerald as “Whiny Bitch”, Desert Woman as “Fake Jew”, and Geezus as “A…
So, you’ve been “banned” from posting somewhere you never wanted to post anyway. How can you survive this affront? Step 1: Laugh your fucking ass off There’s nothing funnier than some troll thinking being “banned” from their site, where you’ve never posted or wanted to post, is “punishment”. Step 2: Laugh even harder Okay, maybe…
AtDT’s new look is a hit! The riff-raff are falling over themselves to get in, and they’re so persistent! They just can’t stop gushing about us! It’s only been 3 or so days since we moved here, and even trolls from as close as Anderson, CA and as far as Tel Aviv are desperate for…