NEWSFLASH: Masks protect users from 5G

In an amazing turn of events, drug maker Pfizer (known mainly for Pro-Exit) has determined that masks protect users from 5G frequencies. An official announcement is expected later today.

Public reaction has been highly favorable:

“I used to make up stories about how masks were bad for you because I’m a complete moron, but now that I know that they’ll protect me from 5G, I’ll wear a whole shipload,” said an anonymous source.

“This is the bigliest news ever! Bow down to me for stopping both COVID and 5G in their tracks! It’s a great day for Russia!” said President Trump.

You can tune into the upcoming news conference here.