Hold the presses! An internet troll has found several “cures” for COVID!

That’s right ladies, gentlemen, and troll hangers-on — a pool cleaner has found some cures for COVID!* Isn’t that amazing? Apparently, having blood, taking geriatric vitamins, and huffing chlorine, ozone, and hydrogen peroxide could have saved hundreds of thousands of people! If you have any of the following symptoms, at least you’re dying from something…

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NEWSFLASH: Triggered by potatoes!

DUMBASS, MINNESOTA: Meaka, self-proclaimed feminist who supports her ex-boyfriend doxxing women online, is now convinced that As the Disq Turns is a proper news source that should only report on stories she wants it to, and is very VERY upset about what ATDT chooses (or doesn’t choose) to post. We asked local psychiatrist, Dr. Keforkian,…

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BANNED from TGO: An AtDT investigative report

The Great Outdoorsman has banned our own Leslie Lannister! For those unfamiliar, TGO is a forum filled with pre-pubescent boys talking about assblasting, shitting, and necrophilia. But why was Leslie banned? Was someone offended on behalf of Yoko Ono? But wait! What is this about? Is there some kind of strange love triangle here between…

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NEWSFLASH: Masks protect users from 5G

In an amazing turn of events, drug maker Pfizer (known mainly for Pro-Exit) has determined that masks protect users from 5G frequencies. An official announcement is expected later today. Public reaction has been highly favorable: “I used to make up stories about how masks were bad for you because I’m a complete moron, but now…

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