NEWSFLASH

Hold the presses! An internet troll has found several “cures” for COVID!

That’s right ladies, gentlemen, and troll hangers-on — a pool cleaner has found some cures for COVID!*

Isn’t that amazing? Apparently, having blood, taking geriatric vitamins, and huffing chlorine, ozone, and hydrogen peroxide could have saved hundreds of thousands of people! If you have any of the following symptoms, at least you’re dying from something that’s not COVID! Tell your friends to start huffing right away!**

But the main side effects not listed above: BRAIN DAMAGE and BULLSHITTING PEOPLE TO GET THEM TO DO STUPID SHIT LIKE HUFF CHEMICALS.

And look! There’s a SCIENTIFIC STUDY and shit!*** An excerpt:

Help for people who apparently can’t understand simple English:

An “opinion” is something you believe that isn’t necessarily true or valid
“Will be verified” means it hasn’t currently been verified
“Strongly encourage randomized controlled trials … to study” means that no trials or studies have occurred when the paper was written.
Ergo, THERE IS NO PROOF THAT THIS WORKS IN REGARD TO COVID INFECTIONS.

Oh, look! Here’s another study: Hydrogen peroxide poisoning

So remember, everyone! Pool cleaners are experts in COVID now! It’s a whole new world!


*DISCLAIMER: None of the things mentioned are preventatives or cures for COVID. Do not try them at home, unless you really want to kill yourselves.

**DISCLAIMER: Don’t do this either.

*** The “and shit” makes it totally gangsta.