Tag: dumb as fuck

  • Newsflash: Disqus Officially Says “Fuck It”

    Newsflash: Disqus Officially Says “Fuck It”

    Actual Image of Disqus HQ

    Earlier this week, Disqus officially turned over the company to their most prolific troll account, unofficially known as “Huggy” due to his issues with older women hugging younger men, in a move that surprises no one. As the shittiest Disqus volunteer mod stated, “I’m so over banning people,” right before he blamed other people for getting trolled by a person with blatant psychological problems and a million accounts.

    The “Finn” mod account, which is actually Disqus employees Anna, Ryan, or Sam at any given time, then proceeded to ban and/or temporarily ban random commenters who dared respond to any post made by Huggy. “We used the time-tested method of eenie-meenie-miney-mo to pick who we banned, since there are still plenty of obnoxious comments up made by people we like,” said Finn, who then turned the bot mod back on and deleted every image posted for no reason. Then they yelled “NEET PRIDE”, genuflected to a picture of Andrew Tate, and copy and pasted a paragraph about the gross national product of Indonesia over and over again.

    In related news, the price of coconuts has plummeted while shares in VPNs have risen exponentially.

  • Congrats to Pud for getting unmodded in record time!

    Congrats to Pud for getting unmodded in record time!

    I wonder why? Is it because he’s a huge hypocrite?

    Or maybe it’s because he’s an outright liar? (LOL “pending as bullying” isn’t a thing. Nice try!)

    Or is it that he hates Muslims? (and is a huge hypocrite)

    Or maybe it’s just his creepy stalking and begging.

    Who knows? But whatever the reason, we’re glad you’re gone, pud! Don’t come back!

  • Asshole vs Dickcheese Smackdown

    Asshole vs Dickcheese Smackdown

    Once upon a time, a person, and I use that term loosely, called Sarah Ann got banned from Mahatmashitbag’s sites. Considering all she posts are her age (OMG A BOT IS IN HER 80s!), prayers, and descriptions of her hard-ons for Trump, no one is surprised by this. Except for Wish-He-Had-More-Influence-Than-He-Does, apparently. So he got banned, too! Now they’re participating in a homoerotic slap fight on the interweb. Enjoy!

    Oh, how the first sentence below especially had me laughing my ass off… (this is a snip from an extremely long-winded as usual Wishy comment)

    …especially when it’s negated by the whining about ATDT, as usual! ATDT must have killed his dog or something.

    “It’s okay, I can be racist as fuck! I HAVE ISRAELI FRIENDS!!!! And they all act exactly the same!”

  • Happy New Year! Let’s celebrate by laughing at more Small Dick Energy

    Happy New Year! Let’s celebrate by laughing at more Small Dick Energy

    Thanks for this, Greta Thunberg. I <3 you!

    On another note, here’s a couple of our small Disqus dicks hilariously talking about being “professional writers” while being incoherent:

    Better check your CO2 detectors, guys! You’re definitely suffering from confusion (not knowing why you’re banned from, well, everywhere decent), blurred vision (not being able to see that you’re huge trolls), headache and nausea (well, you give everyone else these). Here’s hoping for chest pain 🤞!

    Happy New Year to everyone who isn’t a piece of shit!

  • What’s that coming over the hill? IS IT MY UPVOTES?! Get in the car!

    What’s that coming over the hill? IS IT MY UPVOTES?! Get in the car!

    They’re BAAAAAAACK!

    I feel like we’ve returned to a golden age, one before a fat moron was elected by bought votes and stupid people. A happier time. A better time. (With the exception of Ferd kicking the bucket more recently – that was fucking GREAT.)

    And just because it’s fucking hilarious, here’s a doctor telling wishes-he-had-a-working-penis that he’s an idiot:

  • Hold the presses!  An internet troll has found several “cures” for COVID!

    Hold the presses! An internet troll has found several “cures” for COVID!

    That’s right ladies, gentlemen, and troll hangers-on — a pool cleaner has found some cures for COVID!*

    Isn’t that amazing? Apparently, having blood, taking geriatric vitamins, and huffing chlorine, ozone, and hydrogen peroxide could have saved hundreds of thousands of people! If you have any of the following symptoms, at least you’re dying from something that’s not COVID! Tell your friends to start huffing right away!**

    But the main side effects not listed above: BRAIN DAMAGE and BULLSHITTING PEOPLE TO GET THEM TO DO STUPID SHIT LIKE HUFF CHEMICALS.

    And look! There’s a SCIENTIFIC STUDY and shit!*** An excerpt:

    Help for people who apparently can’t understand simple English:

    An “opinion” is something you believe that isn’t necessarily true or valid
    “Will be verified” means it hasn’t currently been verified
    “Strongly encourage randomized controlled trials … to study” means that no trials or studies have occurred when the paper was written.
    Ergo, THERE IS NO PROOF THAT THIS WORKS IN REGARD TO COVID INFECTIONS.

    Oh, look! Here’s another study: Hydrogen peroxide poisoning

    So remember, everyone! Pool cleaners are experts in COVID now! It’s a whole new world!


    *DISCLAIMER: None of the things mentioned are preventatives or cures for COVID. Do not try them at home, unless you really want to kill yourselves.

    **DISCLAIMER: Don’t do this either.

    *** The “and shit” makes it totally gangsta.

  • A gift for the new year

    A gift for the new year

    2022’s looking good already!

    Club Zero, we hardly knew gave a fuck about you! Which of Shitbag’s other 500 “blogs” will get shut down for racist propaganda next? Stay tuned!

  • Fun Facts about Coccyx

    Fun Facts about Coccyx

    I know you’re all dying to know more about me, especially those certain people who shall remain soulless nameless, so here are some fun facts about moi!

    Fun Fact #1:

    I haven’t and will never, ever, comment on your shitty website(s). Especially not to look up someone’s Disqus rep numbers, because anyone can do that by appending their username to the end of the following link, you fucking morons:
    https://disqus.com/api/3.0/users/details?api_key=R1xXRNQyeHV72yLehk79kS4C1evT3p7EW2e0Pn1EdGVCBuuF4CtsORsYDaHx1Wm8&user:username=

    And the above link doesn’t make up fake stories about people being trolls, either! It’s like MAGIC!

    Fun Fact #2:

    I can spot a troll a mile away. Especially one that wants to be me! Case in point:

    https://disqus.com/by/disqus_Tmkn6k7ckG/

    Oh look! It’s someone who likes to play with the API and loves me so much they’ve pretended to be me on several occasions. Who could it possibly be?! Hi Disqus Is Shitty Platform sock #462 – the version that can actually speak English a bit. Good job!

    Fun Fact #3:

    I enjoy living rent free in your heads, but can you please clean up the place? It’s like someone dropped a shit bomb in there.

    Hope that answers all your burning questions, trolls!

  • Still rent-free in your head after all this time

    Still rent-free in your head after all this time

    Here you go, troll contingent — an article all about you!

    Online Trolls Actually Just Assholes All the Time, Study Finds

    Also, this is Vincent Price:

    This is NOT Vincent Price:

    Hope that helps! Thanks for keeping me flush with cash by obsessively clicking on ATDT!

  • NEWSFLASH:  Idiots finally understand AtDT!

    NEWSFLASH: Idiots finally understand AtDT!

    It’s only taken 5 years, but a few of the usual suspects have finally realized why As the Disq Turns exists (even though it’s always said why in the description).

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fx_iuAn3LU
    Actual video of the realization hitting trolltown.

    Good job, guys!

    Don’t worry, we promise to ease you into the purpose of The Onion so you don’t hurt yourselves!

  • The ATDT Book Review

    The ATDT Book Review

    We here at As the Disq Turns like to keep our content fresh and highly intellectual, so we’ve decided to add a new Book Review segment. Enjoy!


    Lemons Aren’t The Only Fruit – Or Are They Minerals?” by Morel “Joe” Mahoney

    Winner of the Karen Prize for dumbest fiction, Lemons Aren’t The Only Fruit – Or Are They Minerals? is a coming-out novel from Morel “Joe” Mahoney, the acclaimed author of “Speling is for Loosers” and “The Plagiarized Autobiography of a Fake Journalist”. The protagonist, Joe, is a racist and sexist old man who is so divorced from reality the doesn’t know that lemons are fruit, but fancies himself to be a journalist of great stature, and pretends he gets paid to write plagiarized, un-proofread blog posts on the internet. He never comes to terms with his preference for man-bras, while insisting he was once an actual police officer. There is no moral journey for Joe; he never understands what an abject failure he is.

    Grade: F-. Amazon really needs to stop letting any idiot sell shit for Kindle