Category: NEWSFLASH

  • Newsflash: Disqus Officially Says “Fuck It”

    Newsflash: Disqus Officially Says “Fuck It”

    Actual Image of Disqus HQ

    Earlier this week, Disqus officially turned over the company to their most prolific troll account, unofficially known as “Huggy” due to his issues with older women hugging younger men, in a move that surprises no one. As the shittiest Disqus volunteer mod stated, “I’m so over banning people,” right before he blamed other people for getting trolled by a person with blatant psychological problems and a million accounts.

    The “Finn” mod account, which is actually Disqus employees Anna, Ryan, or Sam at any given time, then proceeded to ban and/or temporarily ban random commenters who dared respond to any post made by Huggy. “We used the time-tested method of eenie-meenie-miney-mo to pick who we banned, since there are still plenty of obnoxious comments up made by people we like,” said Finn, who then turned the bot mod back on and deleted every image posted for no reason. Then they yelled “NEET PRIDE”, genuflected to a picture of Andrew Tate, and copy and pasted a paragraph about the gross national product of Indonesia over and over again.

    In related news, the price of coconuts has plummeted while shares in VPNs have risen exponentially.

  • Congrats to Pud for getting unmodded in record time!

    Congrats to Pud for getting unmodded in record time!

    I wonder why? Is it because he’s a huge hypocrite?

    Or maybe it’s because he’s an outright liar? (LOL “pending as bullying” isn’t a thing. Nice try!)

    Or is it that he hates Muslims? (and is a huge hypocrite)

    Or maybe it’s just his creepy stalking and begging.

    Who knows? But whatever the reason, we’re glad you’re gone, pud! Don’t come back!

  • NEWSFLASH: Blocking Goes Bi

    NEWSFLASH: Blocking Goes Bi

    Disqus has finally done something we’ve been asking them to do for years!

    But how will the troll contingent pretend they’re not watching every single post we make? VPN shares are going to go through the roof!

  • Hold the presses!  An internet troll has found several “cures” for COVID!

    Hold the presses! An internet troll has found several “cures” for COVID!

    That’s right ladies, gentlemen, and troll hangers-on — a pool cleaner has found some cures for COVID!*

    Isn’t that amazing? Apparently, having blood, taking geriatric vitamins, and huffing chlorine, ozone, and hydrogen peroxide could have saved hundreds of thousands of people! If you have any of the following symptoms, at least you’re dying from something that’s not COVID! Tell your friends to start huffing right away!**

    But the main side effects not listed above: BRAIN DAMAGE and BULLSHITTING PEOPLE TO GET THEM TO DO STUPID SHIT LIKE HUFF CHEMICALS.

    And look! There’s a SCIENTIFIC STUDY and shit!*** An excerpt:

    Help for people who apparently can’t understand simple English:

    An “opinion” is something you believe that isn’t necessarily true or valid
    “Will be verified” means it hasn’t currently been verified
    “Strongly encourage randomized controlled trials … to study” means that no trials or studies have occurred when the paper was written.
    Ergo, THERE IS NO PROOF THAT THIS WORKS IN REGARD TO COVID INFECTIONS.

    Oh, look! Here’s another study: Hydrogen peroxide poisoning

    So remember, everyone! Pool cleaners are experts in COVID now! It’s a whole new world!


    *DISCLAIMER: None of the things mentioned are preventatives or cures for COVID. Do not try them at home, unless you really want to kill yourselves.

    **DISCLAIMER: Don’t do this either.

    *** The “and shit” makes it totally gangsta.

  • NEWSFLASH: Triggered by potatoes!

    NEWSFLASH: Triggered by potatoes!

    DUMBASS, MINNESOTA: Meaka, self-proclaimed feminist who supports her ex-boyfriend doxxing women online, is now convinced that As the Disq Turns is a proper news source that should only report on stories she wants it to, and is very VERY upset about what ATDT chooses (or doesn’t choose) to post.

    We asked local psychiatrist, Dr. Keforkian, about Meaka’s many issues:

    She appears to be under the mistaken impression that she was singled out for ridicule, like many narcissists often do. She neglects to realize that items in the post she’s whining about are in CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER from January 2020, and not that “she’s number one” on a ranked list. She also has no sense of humor. Too bad she didn’t get COVID so she’d stop typing about herself and her fake issues for 5 minutes.

    Here are some handy tips from the national “Make an Effort At not looKing brain dAmaged online” hotline (or MEAKA for short):

    1. ATDT, like Fox News, is not an actual news source
    2. Grow a sense of humor
    3. Be less self-involved
    4. Don’t go to websites that upset you so much
    5. Throw away your electronic devices

    Only you can make yourself not look like a complete idiot online.

  • How do we solve a problem like Solutions Only?  By deleting the motherfucker!

    How do we solve a problem like Solutions Only? By deleting the motherfucker!

    Score: ATDT: 1,000,000, Everyone else: 0

    Hey Gerald – I hear that solutionsonly.gay is available. You should snap it up!

  • Newsflash:  TGO shut down!

    Newsflash: TGO shut down!

    Pedo-pal Wishin-he-wasn’t-insane has claimed that Attention Whore Eri has had TGO shut down:

    LOL good luck shutting ATDT down, losers!

    But wait – wasn’t he the one constantly whining about TGO and threatening to shut it down?

    Less sick than someone who promotes pedophilia, Gerald.
    Oh, so every time you dox someone on your website, it’s your responsibility? Thanks for admitting it, Gerald.

    Looks like BS doesn’t really care.

    Are you sure you mean “fishing” and not “fisting”?
  • NEWSFLASH: Troll blocks his own sock account, blames voices in his head

    NEWSFLASH: Troll blocks his own sock account, blames voices in his head

    That’s right, known whiner and titfearer Gerald “Wishin-he-had-a-brain” blocked himself today:

    Then, he was so embarrassed that he forgot he made that racist sock himself he blamed the eponymous non-entity “ATDT” for it and then pretended to “block ATDT”. Because, as everyone in the world knows, only him and his ilk call people the N-word, not anyone here on As the Disq Turns, because we’re not a bunch of fucking inbred racists. Just scroll through any of their comment histories to confirm the constant whining about BLM and “house negroes” and “plantationists”.

    Countdown until Gerald “un-blocks” “ATDT” so he can whine harder in 3…2…1…

  • BANNED from TGO: An AtDT investigative report

    BANNED from TGO: An AtDT investigative report

    The Great Outdoorsman has banned our own Leslie Lannister!

    For those unfamiliar, TGO is a forum filled with pre-pubescent boys talking about assblasting, shitting, and necrophilia.

    All you need is rock hard dead cock, apparently

    But why was Leslie banned? Was someone offended on behalf of Yoko Ono?

    But wait! What is this about?

    Is there some kind of strange love triangle here between Leslie, One Mat Gang (now “Gone”), and Bulginganus? Is someone jealous?

    (Sorry, she’s just not into you.)

    Will we ever know the full story? Stay tuned!

  • NEWSFLASH:  Idiots finally understand AtDT!

    NEWSFLASH: Idiots finally understand AtDT!

    It’s only taken 5 years, but a few of the usual suspects have finally realized why As the Disq Turns exists (even though it’s always said why in the description).

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fx_iuAn3LU
    Actual video of the realization hitting trolltown.

    Good job, guys!

    Don’t worry, we promise to ease you into the purpose of The Onion so you don’t hurt yourselves!

  • NEWSFLASH: Masks protect users from 5G

    NEWSFLASH: Masks protect users from 5G

    In an amazing turn of events, drug maker Pfizer (known mainly for Pro-Exit) has determined that masks protect users from 5G frequencies. An official announcement is expected later today.

    Public reaction has been highly favorable:

    “I used to make up stories about how masks were bad for you because I’m a complete moron, but now that I know that they’ll protect me from 5G, I’ll wear a whole shipload,” said an anonymous source.

    “This is the bigliest news ever! Bow down to me for stopping both COVID and 5G in their tracks! It’s a great day for Russia!” said President Trump.

    You can tune into the upcoming news conference here.