Disqus has finally done something we’ve been asking them to do for years!
But how will the troll contingent pretend they’re not watching every single post we make? VPN shares are going to go through the roof!
Author: Coccyx
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NEWSFLASH: Blocking Goes Bi
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Hold the presses! An internet troll has found several “cures” for COVID!
That’s right ladies, gentlemen, and troll hangers-on — a pool cleaner has found some cures for COVID!*
Isn’t that amazing? Apparently, having blood, taking geriatric vitamins, and huffing chlorine, ozone, and hydrogen peroxide could have saved hundreds of thousands of people! If you have any of the following symptoms, at least you’re dying from something that’s not COVID! Tell your friends to start huffing right away!**
But the main side effects not listed above: BRAIN DAMAGE and BULLSHITTING PEOPLE TO GET THEM TO DO STUPID SHIT LIKE HUFF CHEMICALS. And look! There’s a SCIENTIFIC STUDY and shit!*** An excerpt:
Help for people who apparently can’t understand simple English:
An “opinion” is something you believe that isn’t necessarily true or valid
“Will be verified” means it hasn’t currently been verified
“Strongly encourage randomized controlled trials … to study” means that no trials or studies have occurred when the paper was written.
Ergo, THERE IS NO PROOF THAT THIS WORKS IN REGARD TO COVID INFECTIONS.Oh, look! Here’s another study: Hydrogen peroxide poisoning
So remember, everyone! Pool cleaners are experts in COVID now! It’s a whole new world!
*DISCLAIMER: None of the things mentioned are preventatives or cures for COVID. Do not try them at home, unless you really want to kill yourselves.
**DISCLAIMER: Don’t do this either.
*** The “and shit” makes it totally gangsta.
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A gift for the new year
2022’s looking good already!
Club Zero, we hardly
knewgave a fuck about you! Which of Shitbag’s other 500 “blogs” will get shut down for racist propaganda next? Stay tuned!
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Just when you thought 2021 was the worst year ever…
…we travel back in time to 2018.
Enjoy more poetry to puke to at: https://disqus.com/home/discussion/https-poetsdiaries-tumblr-com/poets_diary_poems_by_wishy/
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Fun Facts about Coccyx
I know you’re all dying to know more about me, especially those certain people who shall remain
soullessnameless, so here are some fun facts about moi!Fun Fact #1:
I haven’t and will never, ever, comment on your shitty website(s). Especially not to look up someone’s Disqus rep numbers, because anyone can do that by appending their username to the end of the following link, you fucking morons:
https://disqus.com/api/3.0/users/details?api_key=R1xXRNQyeHV72yLehk79kS4C1evT3p7EW2e0Pn1EdGVCBuuF4CtsORsYDaHx1Wm8&user:username=And the above link doesn’t make up fake stories about people being trolls, either! It’s like MAGIC!
Fun Fact #2:
I can spot a troll a mile away. Especially one that wants to be me! Case in point:
https://disqus.com/by/disqus_Tmkn6k7ckG/
Oh look! It’s someone who likes to play with the API and loves me so much they’ve pretended to be me on several occasions. Who could it possibly be?! Hi Disqus Is Shitty Platform sock #462 – the version that can actually speak English a bit. Good job!
Fun Fact #3:
I enjoy living rent free in your heads, but can you please clean up the place? It’s like someone dropped a shit bomb in there.
Hope that answers all your burning questions, trolls!
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Now you too can be an All Star!
That’s right! For only $105 per month (after your free 30 day trial), you and your troll friends can now be an “All Stars” on your own crappy website with Badges!
No more whining about how some special people get to have a star emoji next to their names while you work and slave all day trolling people with no recognition whatsoever!
Wait, the “star” badge is orange and shit?
Actual Star Badge, larger-than-life version Guess you’re still not a real All Star! Sorry, guys!
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Someone’s mad at Disqus and he’s going to rant on the Twitosphere, by gum!
Oh no! You mean Wishy was (finally) banned after years of harassment and posting fake news? SAY IT AIN’T SO!
Wait, is he asking the same “Ryan” who he harassed on a daily basis for the past several years to reinstate him? Or his imaginary friend “Ryan” who’s actually some guy named mohib khan? Either way, good luck with that, bro!
But wait! He mad about other shit, too!
Oh wait, does he mean hate speech like this?
Oops! Looks like someone just reported himself by mistake! Thanks for proving your universal ban was the right move, Wishy! (But thanks more, Sally57092221!)
But he’s not just mad at Disqus! He’s racist against yogurt, as well!
On a happier note, at least he took his wife to see Neil Diamond in 2015. Or was that just him just adding mental torment to her hellish marriage to him?
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Still rent-free in your head after all this time
Here you go, troll contingent — an article all about you!
Online Trolls Actually Just Assholes All the Time, Study Finds
Also, this is Vincent Price:
This is NOT Vincent Price:
Hope that helps! Thanks for keeping me flush with cash by obsessively clicking on ATDT!
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Interactive Dreg-O-Rama!
It’s like Choose Your Own Adventure, but without the adventure. Share any dreg stupidity you’ve run across here for us all to enjoy! (Please tell me at least some of them died of COVID or syphilis or a REAL heart attack or something.)
I’ll start:
Looks like our least favorite pidgin English speaking troll has made a new account and is still madly in love with me!
And he can miraculously write in actual English if he wants to! AMAZING!
Seriously, does he even know what “unsubsidized” means? We know he knows what liking his own post means! STAY TUNED!
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The Greatest (Twitter) Story Ever Told – Now a Movie!
I’m so freaking excited. That’s right – the story of a stripper’s “ho trip” is coming to the big screen! The original Twitter story is here: https://genius.com/Zolarmoon-twitter-story-annotated
The trailer:
Jarrett better be ON POINT!
RUNS TOWARDS THEIR BALCONY & JUMPS!! I swear to GOD. bible. He fucking jumped. I screamed SO LOUD my heart stopped Jess runs towards the balcony & this nigga jarrett was hanging. He didn’t fall all the way. He was stuck by his pants. THANK GOD!!!! We were only on the 4th floor but he still wouldve died. It was a good drop. So jess is helping him & i call z lmfaoo. Still crying
@zolarmoon -
The Rime of the Illiterate Mall Cop
It is an illiterate Mall Cop,
And he makes shit up freely.
‘By my large man boobs and racist claptrap
I shall report on freewebpagesforliars.me!The false news doors are opened wide,
And I, Mall Cop, stroll in;
The trolls are met, the fools are set
To read bullshit within.’He marks up with his Sharpie pen,
‘Look at these comment counts,’ says he.
‘Plantationists! Progressives! Oh my oh my!
How dare no one believe me!’He works himself into a tizzy—
‘Is it ‘there’ or ‘their’ or ‘they’re’?!
And writes like a three years’ child
and claims that ‘libruls’ make his life unfair.The Mall Cop continues to ‘write’ on his ‘blog’:
He has nothing else to do;
And thus pretends that he gets paid
and hangs out with fake Jews.I’m sure someday he’ll have a stroke,
we don’t know when or where,
But don’t worry, he’ll never leave –
even RINOS love their Obamacare.
