As the Disq Turns

Year: 2020

  • Blocking AtDT: You Can Really Do It If You Try!

    Blocking AtDT: You Can Really Do It If You Try!

    A lot of our troll fans here at As the Disq Turns like to pretend they’ve “blocked” us. They post screenshots of themselves “blocking” a few random individuals who comment here via their Disqus settings (after which they immediately unblock us all so they can screencap our comments) and say that they “blocked AtDT”. Well, AtDT is a website, not an individual, so faux-blocking a few individuals will not block As the Disq Turns, as anyone who isn’t dumb as a box of rocks understands.

    If you actually want to block AtDT, here’s how to do it.

    Download/install any of the following and and block asthedisqturns.com:

    Stop paying lip service to blocking As the Disq Turns and actually do it!

  • NEWSFLASH: Troll blocks his own sock account, blames voices in his head

    NEWSFLASH: Troll blocks his own sock account, blames voices in his head

    That’s right, known whiner and titfearer Gerald “Wishin-he-had-a-brain” blocked himself today:

    Then, he was so embarrassed that he forgot he made that racist sock himself he blamed the eponymous non-entity “ATDT” for it and then pretended to “block ATDT”. Because, as everyone in the world knows, only him and his ilk call people the N-word, not anyone here on As the Disq Turns, because we’re not a bunch of fucking inbred racists. Just scroll through any of their comment histories to confirm the constant whining about BLM and “house negroes” and “plantationists”.

    Countdown until Gerald “un-blocks” “ATDT” so he can whine harder in 3…2…1…

  • Dregs Mini-Post: Musically Declined Edition

    Dregs Mini-Post: Musically Declined Edition

    So, Desert Racist has taken time out of her busy schedule of being racist to make a completely original thread on 1960s music that no one in the world has ever thought to make before! (Oh wait, it’s happened at least a million times since Disqus began and will coninue to happen, but she’s pissed!)


    Wait until she finds out there were black and brown people making music in the 1960’s! It will be hilarious!

    Elsewhere, a complete mental midget is really upset that Dolly Parton, who they think sang Coal Miner’s Daughter, is an SJW!

    Protip: That’s Loretta Lynn, you moron.

    Laterz!

  • The True Story of Forkless

    The True Story of Forkless

    Forkless was born a poor, black child in the lowlands west of Germany –which are not to be confused with the highlands west of Germany, where you can find all sorts of interesting people, such as:

    Based on something that actually happened to Forkless

    Anyway, being a poor, black child in the West German-adjacent-lowlands was not the easiest thing to be, especially during the Great Plaguepression of 1923 when World War Three was going on in Thighland (citation: Donald J. Trump), so Forkless decided to whitewash himself in the great tradition of Jesus Christ, and then travel forward, fully grown, into the 25th century where he was educated by robots and aliens, and then came back to the 21st century, with some minor stops to check out Punk and Line Dancing along the way.

    Can you spot Forkless in the audience?

    But how did Forkless travel in time? It’s been rumored that it involved an IBM 5150 computer and some microsingularities, but no one really knows. All we know is that he can dance a mean Macarena and looks bangin’ in a kilt.

    Today, Forkless can occasionally be seen in the wild eviscerating conservatives by using facts.

    Anything other supposed “truths” about Forkless are nothing but filthy, filthy lies.

    See you next time!

  • What is QAnon? A Hard-Hitting Investigative Report

    What is QAnon? A Hard-Hitting Investigative Report

    Since the inbred constituents of Buttfuck, Georgia’s 14th Congressional District have elected QAnonist (QAnoner? QAnonass?) weirdo Marjorie Taylor Greene in the House primary, people have been wondering “What the fuck is QAnon?” Well, dear readers, that’s what As the Disq Turns is here for – real news reporting.

    So, for a quick primer on QAnon, here’s a video:

    Oh, wait. That’s some guy who thinks penguins aren’t real.

    Okay, here it is:

    No, no, this is about some dude who doesn’t think the moon exists.

    Give me a sec, I’m sure I have it somewhere.

    Shit. Still not it.

    Here it is! Found it under Jimmy Hoffa’s corpse:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuDmm39p4wk

    Now you can feel comfortable discussing how fucking stupid QAnon is with conservatives. You’re welcome!

  • NEWSFIGHT!

    NEWSFIGHT!

    So who’s sick of Disqus morons?

    As we all should be! So here’s a little fun instead. Which news story makes you hate 2020 a little less?

    In this corner, we have “German nudist chases wild boar that stole laptop at Berlin lake“. An excerpt:

    “Because the bag contained his laptop, he gave it his all, even though he was in his birthday suit,” explained Landauer. The boar’s flight was slowed by a cardboard box in its path. The man clapped his hands and hit the ground with the stick, prompting the boar to drop the laptop. Another witness said: “When he returned from the forest, everyone applauded him.”

    And in the other corner, we have “Have you spotted a satellite dish on a beaver lodge? Here’s why it’s happening“. An excerpt:

    Beavers are technically capable of installing their own satellite dishes, said Glynnis Hood, a professor of environmental science at the University of Alberta who has been studying beavers for more than 20 years. They will build a lodge with just about anything, she said. But while they have the construction skills, the animals are lacking in the technical department. “I’m not sure if they could directionally install it in a way that they’d get a good shot of Downton Abbey,” she said. “But otherwise, they could install it, but it would probably be covered in mud.”

    Beavers or Nudists? You decide!

  • Schizotypal Personality Disorder and You

    Schizotypal Personality Disorder and You

    We here at AtDT are always concerned about the well being of our fans, especially the mentally vulnerable ones who obviously have some kind of mental disorder. This week, we’re going to discuss:

    Schizotypal Personality Disorder: A pattern of peculiarities best describes those with schizotypal personality disorder. People may have odd or eccentric manners of speaking or dressing. Strange, outlandish or paranoid beliefs and thoughts are common. People with schizotypal personality disorder have difficulties forming relationships and experience extreme anxiety in social situations. They may react inappropriately or not react at all during a conversation or they may talk to themselves. They also display signs of “magical thinking” by saying they can see into the future or read other people’s minds.

    Some of our biggest fans exemplify this disorder.

    Example of strange, outlandish, and paranoid beliefs:

    Examples of extreme anxiety in social situations (manifested by upvoting oneself with various socks):

    Examples of talking to oneself:

    Example of “magical thinking”:

    If you think you may have Schizotypal Personality Disorder, take the following quiz to see if you need help:

    AtDT is here for you.

  • So, you want to be able to post on AtDT

    So, you want to be able to post on AtDT

    In addition:

    And, in conclusion:

    Stop crying. It’s okay not to be able to post here, really.**

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbUGaqmUG2E
    Unless you smell like poo, which unfortunately most of you beggars do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    **DISCLAIMER: Nᴏᴛ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴏsᴛ ᴏɴ AᴛDT ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ sᴇᴠᴇʀᴇ ʙᴜᴛᴛʜᴜʀᴛ, ᴇxᴄᴇssɪᴠᴇ ᴛᴀɢɢɪɴɢ, ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ ᴅɪᴘsʜɪᴛᴛᴇʀʏ. Dᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɢᴇᴛ ʙᴀɴɴᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ sᴜᴘᴇʀᴠɪsɪᴏɴ. Iғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴ ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʀᴇ sᴛɪʟʟ ʙᴇɢɢɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀʟʟᴏᴡᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴏsᴛ ʜᴇʀᴇ, ғᴏʀ ғᴜᴄᴋ’s sᴀᴋᴇ, ɢʀᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴜᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴡʜɪɴɪɴɢ.

  • Fun times with Alayna and Martin

    Fun times with Alayna and Martin

    ALAYNA: Hi, I’m Alayna! I exist only in the mind of some troll!

    MARTIN: OMG! Me too! Let’s be best friends!

    A: Okay! What shall we do today, bestie?

    M: Let’s try to get into Walmart without a mask!

    A: Let’s take our guns with us, too!

    *CUT TO 20 MINUTES IN THE FUTURE*

    NEWSCASTER: Two non-existent people have just been shot to death outside Walmart. The unknown woman is reported to have whispered “rosebud” before she succumbed to her wounds. The unknown man insisted that the world only existed inside a snowglobe, shouted “FREEZE PEACH”, and was then killed by friendly fire from the unknown woman.

    THE GHOST OF ALAYNA: Spoiler: “Rosebud” is what I have tattooed over my taint.

    THE GHOST OF MARTIN: No, that one says “NO REGRATS”.

    THE GHOST OF ALAYNA: Shit.

  • Succubus 2: The Hydroxychloroquine Factor

    Succubus 2: The Hydroxychloroquine Factor

    Looks like everyone’s favorite “self-published” Kindle “book” is getting a sequel!

    In Succubus 2: The Hydroxycholoroquine Factor, a new character, Dr. (I’m not a real doctor, I have a degree from a Cracker Jack box … in Science!) Stella Immanuel attempts to cure people of Succubus possession by using a drug she found for 5 for $1 at her local dollar store. Oh, and prayer. Don’t forget prayer!

    Russian bot Facebook posters and the current president of the United States think this book will be a big hit! Buy it today!

  • How to not get featured on AtDT

    How to not get featured on AtDT

    People (especially those who look like Jeffrey Epstein post mortem) seem to be having difficulty understanding how NOT to get featured on As the Disq Turns. It’s very simple:

    Especially don’t threaten to shut a forum down for the hundred millionth time, while then contradicting yourself saying you really don’t want to shut it down, while it’s obvious that you really, really do … not that it will ever happen!

    Steps you can take to stop being a fucking asshole include:

    • Stop calling women “girls”
    • Stop pretending that women who don’t want to fuck you are actually men – men don’t want to fuck you, either
    • Stop accusing other people of harassment when that’s all you do all day every day
    • Stop making sad, empty, meaningless threats — (wait, this is hilarious and gives us even more to post about – keep doing it)
    • Stop posting on the internet
    • If none of these suggestions help, just stop being you.

    Hope that helps! If you need more information about how to stop being an asshole, click here.

    As the Disq Turns – we’re here to help make you better people. ™

  • BANNED from TGO: An AtDT investigative report

    BANNED from TGO: An AtDT investigative report

    The Great Outdoorsman has banned our own Leslie Lannister!

    For those unfamiliar, TGO is a forum filled with pre-pubescent boys talking about assblasting, shitting, and necrophilia.

    All you need is rock hard dead cock, apparently

    But why was Leslie banned? Was someone offended on behalf of Yoko Ono?

    But wait! What is this about?

    Is there some kind of strange love triangle here between Leslie, One Mat Gang (now “Gone”), and Bulginganus? Is someone jealous?

    (Sorry, she’s just not into you.)

    Will we ever know the full story? Stay tuned!