It is an illiterate Mall Cop, And he makes shit up freely. ‘By my large man boobs and racist claptrap I shall report on freewebpagesforliars.me!
The false news doors are opened wide, And I, Mall Cop, stroll in; The trolls are met, the fools are set To read bullshit within.’
He marks up with his Sharpie pen, ‘Look at these comment counts,’ says he. ‘Plantationists! Progressives! Oh my oh my! How dare no one believe me!’
He works himself into a tizzy— ‘Is it ‘there’ or ‘their’ or ‘they’re’?! And writes like a three years’ child and claims that ‘libruls’ make his life unfair.
The Mall Cop continues to ‘write’ on his ‘blog’: He has nothing else to do; And thus pretends that he gets paid and hangs out with fake Jews.
I’m sure someday he’ll have a stroke, we don’t know when or where, But don’t worry, he’ll never leave – even RINOS love their Obamacare.
We here at AtDT are always concerned about the well being of our fans, especially the ones who obviously have severe mental issues. This is the second installment of our series, which began with “Schizotypal Personality Disorder and You“. Today, we’ll discuss something or biggest “fans” suffer from:
Paranoia is an instinct or thought process which is believed to be heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of delusion and irrationality. Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs, or beliefs of conspiracy concerning a perceived threat towards oneself (i.e. the American colloquial phrase, “Everyone is out to get me”). Paranoia is distinct from phobias, which also involve irrational fear, but usually no blame. Making false accusations and the general distrust of other people also frequently accompany paranoia. For example, a paranoid person might believe an incident was intentional when most people would view it as an accident or coincidence. Paranoia is a central symptom of psychosis.
…like when people blame “ATDT” for everything that happens to them:
Next time, we’ll discuss “self-importance”, which is when someone you never even heard of thinks you’d want to follow them for no reason.
…or pretending that anyone would watch them on purpose, “stalk” them, or believes they can “glance” at people through a computer screen:
If you think you may be paranoid, take the following quiz like certain 64 year old ATDT-obsessed male from Nevada did to see if you need help: https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/paranoid-quiz/
Don’t be like the mystery quiz-taker above. Seek professional help if you score that high.
We here at AtDT are always concerned about the well being of our fans, especially the mentally vulnerable ones who obviously have some kind of mental disorder. This week, we’re going to discuss:
Schizotypal Personality Disorder: A pattern of peculiarities best describes those with schizotypal personality disorder. People may have odd or eccentric manners of speaking or dressing. Strange, outlandish or paranoid beliefs and thoughts are common. People with schizotypal personality disorder have difficulties forming relationships and experience extreme anxiety in social situations. They may react inappropriately or not react at all during a conversation or they may talk to themselves. They also display signs of “magical thinking” by saying they can see into the future or read other people’s minds.
Some of our biggest fans exemplify this disorder.
Example of strange, outlandish, and paranoid beliefs:
Examples of extreme anxiety in social situations (manifested by upvoting oneself with various socks):
Examples of talking to oneself:
Example of “magical thinking”:
If you think you may have Schizotypal Personality Disorder, take the following quiz to see if you need help:
We here at As the Disq Turns like to keep our content fresh and highly intellectual, so we’ve decided to add a new Book Review segment. Enjoy!
“Lemons Aren’t The Only Fruit – Or Are They Minerals?” by Morel “Joe” Mahoney
Winner of the Karen Prize for dumbest fiction, Lemons Aren’t The Only Fruit – Or Are They Minerals? is a coming-out novel from Morel “Joe” Mahoney, the acclaimed author of “Speling is for Loosers” and “The Plagiarized Autobiography of a Fake Journalist”. The protagonist, Joe, is a racist and sexist old man who is so divorced from reality the doesn’t know that lemons are fruit, but fancies himself to be a journalist of great stature, and pretends he gets paid to write plagiarized, un-proofread blog posts on the internet. He never comes to terms with his preference for man-bras, while insisting he was once an actual police officer. There is no moral journey for Joe; he never understands what an abject failure he is.
Grade: F-. Amazon really needs to stop letting any idiot sell shit for Kindle
M’lud may it please the court, I would like to present some new information about a local troll. It has been assumed that Desert Woman (aka @disqus_K7CYOswAe3) is one of Pudendum’s billion socks due to the blatant racism and antisemitism “she” constantly spouts. However, the Google machine thinks otherwise:
From the ATDT archives. Originally posted May 2016
You may not know this, but I, one of your lovely moderators here on As the Disq Turns, used to be the headmistress of Miss Coccyx’s Flop House and School for Burgeoning Internet Attention Whores. I’ve seen a lot of attention whores come and go and can spot one from a mile away. And boy, have I seen some lame attempts at attention-whoring on Disqus as of late, and I must say that UR DOIN IT RONG. So here are some tips for you n00bs:
Tip One: Be less obvious with your stalkery behavior. When you blatantly follow people around and act like a fucking troll, you’re giving the game away. You’ve got to ease into that shit, son! You want people to believe in you! It’s like method acting. Watch some Daniel Day Lewis movies or some shit for a while. Learn from a master.
In short: Be subtler.
Tip Two: Don’t start spouting conspiracy theories left and right about how everyone is trolling you and how you’re being targeted by the “man” and whatnot when you’re doing the trolling and acting a fool etc. You know why? Because everyone who’s not a troll or a paranoid freak knows that you’re the problem. Sure, you’ll have some support from other attention whores, wackos, and people who don’t know any better (until they get to know you in about 5 minutes) but what does that get you? It gets you banned from all the decent places and then you end up in your own echo chambers where you grow more and more insane. That and 10 cents might buy you a senior coffee at Burger King. And that’s not getting you the attention you really want from the people you so desperately want it from. So sorry Carrie, you were only invited to the prom on a pity date. 🙁
In short: Be funnier.
Tip Three: If you threaten to leave if you don’t get X amount of upvotes or just in general, then actually leave. Delete your account. Just changing your account name to “INACTIVE ACCOUNT” just makes you look like a dumbass. Because if no one met your demands, obviously your attention whoring failed spectacularly.
Once again, some moron upset himself because he assumed I’m male based on my avatar. Yes, that’s right, a person who’s avatar IS NOT EVEN HUMAN is upset that MY AVATAR IS A MALE AND I AM NOT. (Not to mention they think it’s Vincent Price, but that’s a whole other issue… *looks pointedly at Jaye*)
How do these people function in the real world? They must go into fits when men have long hair and women have short hair. If I’m wearing a band t-shirt do they think I’m the entire band? What the fuck do they do on Halloween, cower in their basements due to the uncertainty? Anyway…
In honor of this dumbassery happening for the millionth time, here are a couple of blasts from ATDT’s past:
1) ATDT’s Wild Disqus Presents: How to spot a whackjob by their avatar
Here in the wilds of Disqusland, it can sometimes be difficult to spot a whackjob until it’s too late. But there are some simple tells that whackjobs can’t avoid, and one of them is the avatars they tend to choose. The avatars you should generally look out for are:
American Flags:
Usually only flown by internet assholes
Confederate Flags:
Always flown by internet racists
Eagles:
Usually a libertarian or some other random moron who knows nothing about anything
Eyeball closeups:
Generally a run of the mill nutjob creeper weirdo
People with any of the above avatars are often found shouting FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM, crying about “liberals”, inbreeding amongst themselves, getting banned for not understanding how to interact with human beings, and/or creating multiple sockpuppets and upvoting themselves and each other in religious frenzies.
Approach with caution. Even better, just ban and block the motherfuckers. Trust me, it will be no loss to you or the community whatsoever.
2) Fun Fact: Only incels whine about avatars not matching genders online
Case in point:
PROITP FOR INCELS LIKE PAUL: If an online avatar doesn’t immediately inform you that a person isn’t interested because they are a real human being with standards, you should just assume that from the get-go. No one will ever be interested in you – male, female, or your usual go-to, farm animals of any gender. You and your hand will just have to continue your “special” relationship! Make sure to say “hi” to your pals at return of kings for all of us!
By the way, Meaka made a typo – she doesn’t “love dick”, she “loves dicks”. How can you tell? If she posts on your “blog”, you’re a dick.
