Proper Disqus Attention-Whoring Etiquette, A Short Primer

From the ATDT archives. Originally posted May 2016

You may not know this, but I, one of your lovely moderators here on As the Disq Turns, used to be the headmistress of Miss Coccyx’s Flop House and School for Burgeoning Internet Attention Whores. I’ve seen a lot of attention whores come and go and can spot one from a mile away. And boy, have I seen some lame attempts at attention-whoring on Disqus as of late, and I must say that UR DOIN IT RONG. So here are some tips for you n00bs:

Tip One: Be less obvious with your stalkery behavior. When you blatantly follow people around and act like a fucking troll, you’re giving the game away. You’ve got to ease into that shit, son! You want people to believe in you! It’s like method acting. Watch some Daniel Day Lewis movies or some shit for a while. Learn from a master.

In short: Be subtler.

Tip Two: Don’t start spouting conspiracy theories left and right about how everyone is trolling you and how you’re being targeted by the “man” and whatnot when you’re doing the trolling and acting a fool etc. You know why? Because everyone who’s not a troll or a paranoid freak knows that you’re the problem. Sure, you’ll have some support from other attention whores, wackos, and people who don’t know any better (until they get to know you in about 5 minutes) but what does that get you? It gets you banned from all the decent places and then you end up in your own echo chambers where you grow more and more insane. That and 10 cents might buy you a senior coffee at Burger King. And that’s not getting you the attention you really want from the people you so desperately want it from. So sorry Carrie, you were only invited to the prom on a pity date. ­čÖü

In short: Be funnier.

Tip Three: If you threaten to leave if you don’t get X amount of upvotes or just in general, then actually leave. Delete your account. Just changing your account name to “INACTIVE ACCOUNT” just makes you look like a dumbass. Because if no one met your demands, obviously your attention whoring failed spectacularly.

In short: Don’t be full of shit.

Hope that helps!