Episode 4: Orange is the New Black

This time on As the Disq Turns…

In the asylum…

We find that Grandma Moses has only been pretending to take her medication, and has instead been slipping her pills to London Bridges on the sly. She now believes even more firmly that everyone in the world is fixated on her and her life and is out to get her. She keeps screaming a single word over and over again: “pets”. She’s moved to a cell far away from the other patients.

London Bridges, in her desperation to remain relevant to the plot, has taken the pills Grandma Moses has given her and has smuggled them out in order to exchange them for books on Psychiatry and Law, which she voraciously reads in order to try to sound convincing to visitors who don’t know any better. Unfortunately, the books she traded the pills for were on Freud and Maritime Law, so she sounds even more insane when she tries to explain how very sane she is to anyone who will listen. No one does.

Meanwhile, poor Tex sits alone and sad in his padded cell where no one talks to him anymore.

In the local jail…

The homeless Queen of the Internet has failed her psych evaluation and has been declared unfit to stand trial by reason of mental disease or defect. The main reason for this was that she tried to bite the judge’s nose off while screaming something about how she’s doing “really well” and has “many followers”. She is to be remanded into the custody of the asylum. Currently, she’s awaiting processing.

In the next cell, Limp Mongoose, who was arrested for attempting to smuggle a rare 8-inch bronze eggplant into the country in his underwear, notices that the crazy, homeless woman in the next cell has a birthmark that looks remarkably like the one on his thigh. Not that he was looking up her skirt. Okay, he was totally looking up her skirt. That’s how he rolls.

Love is in the air …

Secret Agent 2 has fallen for Dandelion, a woman with a lack of brain power equal to his. They met after being ejected from the Dumbfries/Extreme Cult for being too stupid to remember when and where to show up to their racist gatherings. Together, they move into a hovel where they’re immediately set upon by a infestation of teenage bedbugs that are overly fond of gangsta rap. They’d get rid of them, but they can’t read the instructions on the can of bedbug spray. After a few weeks, Secret Agent 2 and Dandelion decide they love these bedbugs so much, they’d like to legally adopt them. When they approach a lawyer about this and the lawyer laughs in their faces, they get so angry at not understanding the law that they beg to be let back into the Cult so they can bring down “The System”, even though they don’t know what “The System” actually is or how it works, because they haven’t bothered to read or understand the law.

Over at the television studio, the Reverend Oral Subconscious has found what he hopes to be a new pulpit over on Jesus’ talk show. He anxiously awaits his turn as Jesus interviews a local construction worker who was accusing her coworkers of inappropriate cone placement. The Reverend doesn’t get his chance to appear, though, because filming gets shut down early due to lack of interest on behalf of the audience. Not on behalf of Jesus and the construction worker, apparently, judging on what was going on between them in the green room afterward…

Elsewhere…

In a dark room, a man watches the screen on his phone. Suddenly, an image on the screen moves. He gets so angry, his head explodes. No one cares.

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