As the Disq Turns: Episode 3

This time on As the Disq Turns…

In the asylum, Grandma Moses has gotten hold of some crayons and is writing what, in her mind, is a very important philosophical treatise on the walls of her room. To everyone else, it just looks like gibberish. The doctor tries to get her to confront her issues to no avail.

Feeling ignored, London Bridges has found a way to sneak into Tex’s padded cell and they’ve managed to get it on without the guards noticing, probably because the lubrication from Tex’s drool drowns out most of the flesh-on-flesh slapping noises.

The Reverend Oral Subconscious, disillusioned about the failure of his “ingenious” master plan to get Professor Marvel’s robot to allow him to proselytize in every house in the world, has taken up drinking. Well, more than usual, anyway. After getting kicked out of his third bar for the evening, he wanders into a local comedy club and somehow ends up on stage, where he’s booed mercilessly while attempting and failing to tell a simple knock knock joke. Enraged, the Reverend then attempts to call security on the audience for not appreciating his greatness. Security laughs at him and throws him out into the alley.

Across the globe, the world’s dumbest Secret Agent (who was previously shot and killed by the KGB) has now been successfully cloned into adult form by their scientists in an underground laboratory. Unfortunately, his brain capacity is even less than it was before. The KGB scientists attempted to potty train Secret Agent 2, as he is now called, with little success. In fact, attempts at getting any useful information or logical thought out of him has proved impossible. Feeling sorry for the poor, dumb soul, one of the scientists smuggles him out of the laboratory and leaves him to fend for himself out on the streets. He is immediately recruited by a small doomsday cult run by Mrs. Dumbfries, an ex-crack whore with a deep, dark secret, and Mr. Extreme, a mysterious hooded figure with a fondness for cigars. Mrs. Dumbfries, Mr. Extreme, and their cult members believe that the end of days will be brought about when people start treating each other with respect and decency. So they go out in public and be as racist, sexist, and moronic as possible, and then wonder why they get beaten up and arrested on a daily basis. But since the world hasn’t ended yet, they believe their efforts haven’t been in vain.

Meanwhile, Jesus isn’t having much luck connecting with the common folk, so he decides to make his talk show a little less “News” and a little more “Jerry Springer”.

The homeless Queen of the Internet, after attacking a local businessman for “downvoting her in spirit”, whatever that means, has been taken to await psychiatric evaluation to see if she can withstand trial.

In a bizarre twist of fate, Limp Mongoose has just found out that his Mom’s basement isn’t his Mom’s basement at all! He was adopted as a baby when an unidentified woman left him wrapped in newspaper in front of the local Tits ‘R Us. But perhaps that crown-shaped birthmark on his thigh will lead him to his birth mother…

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of As the Disq Turns! Brought to you by…


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