So, I’m here cleaning the place and goofing off because it’s Labor Day and as such I don’t have to go to work. (Yeah, that doesn’t make much sense, but that’s America for you.) Anyway, I ordered what was supposed to be hazelnut milk tea and this shit tastes very coffee-like. I hate coffee.
But I don’t really care because I am also rewatching Flight of the Conchords in the background.
I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow.
As my esteemed colleagues already know, the Disqus Home experiment recently concluded after approximately 3 years. An summary of our study methodology and results follows:
We investigated whether a group of commenters known for their constant demonstrated antisocial behavior (such as racism, sexism, general trolling, etc) who we designated as “MALCONTENTS” for study purposes, would eventually go insane when presented with various obstacles. In the first phase of the study, all participants (control group + malcontents) were told they would be allowed to create “channels” (i.e. no-charge discussion sites) on Disqus Home to discuss whatever they’d like, after having been exposed to the very few channels created and run by Disqus Corporate. Channels created by users immediately fell into the following categories:
To further along the experiment, we then designated random users as “All Stars”, gave them a star emoji in front of their usernames, and introduced them to the community as being “star posters that you should know”. Malcontents reactions can be summed up thusly:
Even though the malcontents started threatening to leave Disqus, the creation of All Stars apparently wasn’t enough to get them motivated to do so. At this point, Disqus announced its Hate Speech policy, after which several malcontents’ accounts were removed. However, this was not enough to deter them making new accounts over and over again (aka “sockpuppeting”), like a form of OCD, even though they supposedly hated Disqus so much. The most egregious example of this was a malcontent we will refer to as “mahatmashitbag”, who had over 100 sock accounts which he used to talk to and upvote himself. [Please refer to our other paper, “When Multiple Personality Disorder Strikes – Nuke It “, to be published next month after peer review.]
In conclusion, the commenters tested were too far gone before testing, and the Disqus system did not allow for stemming the tide of creation of multiple accounts by a single user, therefore all the results of this experiment are moot. We will start our revised experiment on our new testing ground, known as “realms”, starting immediately.
Warning disturbing content please don’t read if you’re like Urnie JR Holliday and “trigger” easily.
Circa mid 1990s. He claims he let his only daughter be taken off by a cult. Most humans with a brain speculate it’s because his father Urnie Sr Holliday had molested him from when he was a child. It was a very sad circular case, Urnie Jr Holliday assumed that since gays are bad, he can’t be gay, but could easily be tempted to sexual thoughts and actions of his own little girl, so like God in the garden of eden he sent her away from his trashy trailer and let her fend for herself.
In the most astounding display of stupidity and lack of awareness, he and his wife he called “Fatty McPlumperson” took in his nephew, since gay is bad and he truly believed gay people were far worse than child molesters or rapists, he thought that would be enough to raise the boy right and not sexually molest him. He was heard yelling at his wife by the child supervision who dropped him off.. “Ginger McFatFace, no wonder you’re named after food, you’re fatter than a pregnant whale, and make me sick. Now go make me a sammich”
He was wrong. A month after endless temptations from and innocent 8 year old (as Urnie JR saw them, he he began molesting sexually the young man whose name is protected under law. The boy escaped, only to be found being cared for by a group of bears for almost an entire week.
The boy has attempted several times since his “rescue” or in North Korea they’d call it repatriation.
In an unprecedented decision, Judge “Pity MyF-ingpantsoff” called for the boy to remain with the bears where she felt his safety, mentality, physical well being, social surroundings, wit another dozen positive examples would far outweigh any chance he had at reconnecting with his uncle who will no doubt molest, and poison him again and force him to go to local lynchings with his KKK boss, toss Urnie’s wife “Ginger’s food on the ground with him to show him how real men treat their women, and continually torture the boy.
The judge also showed pity that a clan of bears was by all tokens FAR more safe to leave the boy with than any hillbilly, racist foster home which would be found in St Maries. Not only did the judge denounce severely the behavior of Urnie Jr Holliday, she sent for and brought up Urnie’s supposedly long, lost daughter, who once went by the married name Kimberly Reedy but has been forced by her father to retake the Holliday name..
The judge pointed out how Urnie Jr had been playing Russian Roullette with his own daughter by having her smuggle dangerous amounts of drugs for him. Despite her being an adult, due to the lack of his own child rearing, she is illiterate and can only speak remembered phrases of the bible. She did not know that trying to smuggle over a pound of heroin in every single one of her orifices, including her garishly large nose could result in imminent death.
Above is the rather hideous picture of his daughter Kimberly Reedy, the judge also chastised him for not even bothering to give his own daughter a ride to court. “Who the hell type of father encourages his daughter to smuggle so much heroin she has to have emergency treatment to save her own life, in order to keep his trashy trailer in the lap of luxury?!”
Fortunately for Urnie HOllliday Jr, both his grandsons are in the Washington County penitentiary for a myriad of serious. They both appear to be in gangs, with prison tattoos on one of their faces so they have a pen pal! Unfortunately for Urnie, he was arrested for child and wife abuse in Idaho.
He has requested visits with his nephew and his new home with with the bears, everyone involved, aside Urnie himself is hoping the visits will be approved, supervised and the bears will tear his face out.
oh, and Ferd! Happy Disquspocolypse. I’ll be here with more photos of your dear grandchildren and don’t worry, my house is secure, I’m glad you were doxxed and proved to be what you pretend other’s are. You pretend thin women are fat because your family is overweight, you pretend I have a large nose despite it being half the size of your drug smuggling mule of a daughter, you worry about black on black crime when you should be worried about Holliday on Holiday or Reeder on Reeder crime.
Stay out of my closet if your owns full of trash. .. hahaha.. I still have more info on you you creep. Now, if you’re not dead yet, maybe Bubba in the Idaho State Penitentiary will make a nice example out of you and a broom stick so you could warrant real sympath for once instead of having to make up stories so Disqus will reverse their universal decision to ban you a SECOND FREAKING TIME.
I’m proud to say the first time was due to me.. Well I didn’t get you banned, your constant harassment of me did. I guess making fun of victims of extremely violent crimes is not ok anywhere but Spokane, St Maries, and Boringtown Ohio where your idiot “gernilist” is wondering how he’s going to keep his career up without the ability to tag 100’s of people per day and plagiarize popular news articles.
Farewell you old idiot.After all you’ve done, threatened, etc to my friends and I, THIS is the perfect way to let you know I don’t fVck around and if you come to my home as you have threatened, you will find that so first hand it will make your head spin off, by my gun. hahahahahahah… mr perfect Ferd was arrested for grand theft auto back in the day, a dry drunk who hell, if you think he’s mean now.. WOW, should have seen him then.
At least I quit drinking cause it wasn’t helloing my grief over my dad, who actually raised me, not because everyone in your life wanted you out.. here’s a secret: they still do.
It’s almost here, folks! We’re coming up on September 1st, the end of Disqus as we know it!
Time to say buh-bye to the assholes who can’t even afford a real website with an actual name! [Anyone who wants to contribute to the “Please rename our sites from djdfgudf02r10421541034-14.site.me or whatever to a real website name” please send your money directly to me. I’ll make sure it gets to someone who actually deserves it. Thanks!]
Let’s get to partying!
Moronic right wing patsy and “blogger” Jacob Wohl got caught pretending to travel the world this week by several eagle-eyed twitter users, who noticed that even though his photos had different locations on them, they were all taken in front of the same ugly fence.
It’s almost like he’s a typical Disqus poster, isn’t it?
THE COUNTDOWN TO THE END CONTINUES!
Once upon a time, poor little Mariam the Shitlover rolled around in her own shit and called it roses. She did it so often that no one paid attention to her. So, she complained about people using “bad words” and pretended she was a “good person” and called others “scum” while constantly posting pictures of Jo, pretending she didn’t know it was her, and being a complete asshole about it. Then, she obsessively followed the new As the Disq Turns, which she insisted was the most horrible thing in the whole world! So, when Disqus finally went kablooey, poor little Mary withered away like the pathetic piece of shit she is, but not before getting picked up by the trolland police for violating the restraining order that Jo put on her for being obsessed with her legs.
Then, an oaf called Communique didn’t understand the simple concept that people can change their display names without becoming different people, even though she had 100 different names for herself. She was so dumb that she managed to enrage someone even dumber than she is, Wishy the Tit-Fearer, so much that he doxxed the shit out of her while pretending to be the fair Princess Myte! So she put all her time and effort into obsessively copying and pasting a countdown clock from As the Disq Turns everywhere when she could just make one herself, the lazy cunt.
Eri the Attention Whore spent all of her days in trolland servicing other trolls thusly:
She had fake relationship after fake relationship with trolls Dirt Pile/Paul/[FILL IN FAKE “MALE” TROLL NAME HERE], the Justifiers of Drama, because she couldn’t hold down a job in the real world. Then, like clockwork, she’d get really upset when someone called her out on her bullshit and she’d make yet another new account that she would pretend wasn’t hers until she couldn’t stand not receiving the attention she really wanted. The countdown to her getting back with Jos, the Bald Mustardy Doxxer, the only one who could ever give her the constant attention she always wanted, begins now.
In this, the final week of Disqus Channels, the mental breakdowns and true confessions are coming hard and fast. It’s hard to keep up!
Paraphrased highlights from various folks follow:
The nazis: BLAH BLAH BLAH CAT GIFS BLAH BLAH RACIST NONSENSE BLAH BLAH I’M SO BUTTHURT ABOUT NEWS VIEWS AND/OR ATDT I DEVELOPED HEMORRHOIDS
Canadians: “Um, singaling’s really a dude and stole our money. Singaling: “But I’m sorry, so it’s okay. Thoughts and prayers to the rescue!“
This asshole: “I forgive you, singaling, because I did exactly the same thing but never admitted it! Now, Imma gonna write some southern-soundin’ bible-thumpin bullsheet!”
These assholes: “It’s okay that cowboy’s a lying sack of shit because I like “his” utterly fake persona! After all, I’m also a huge sack of shit, I’m utterly fake. and I’m self-centered as fuck!”
Tommy’s Fanclub #1: One word. “Slutbutt“.
Best. Writer. EVAR. Pulitzer, here he comes!
Tommy’s Fanclub #2: “We’re not chronic masturbators! Our pants just chafe!!!!! FUCK YOU BITCH!“
Dumbass Camp: Moron buys a gun, seeks attention
Phew! Let me know if you find any more before D-Day arrives!
A little preface here. Overboard with Kurt and Goldie is one of my favorite movies of all time.. A dear friend of mine who shares my love of this epic movie warned me not to even bother with the new remake. She said I would be disappointed they butchered such a great film.
Of course my curiosity finally led me down the amazon prime path of the remake of Overboard and it’s just so freaking terribly written, and such a pathetic attempt at copying, true, funny entertainment I could not help but think of Deb Allen trying to emulate her obsession, Coccyx. I see why the remake is hence just ignored as Mod Whine II eventually became with ramblings of Queen Bitches and other failed attempts at being creative or witty.
…you know, since I’ll have all this “free time” in a week with channels shutting down and all. Here’s a quick promo for it – do you think it’ll sell?
Ten days left until Disqpocalypse and all the crazies are coming out to play.
In a shocking turn of events instead of just fading away and becoming Satan’s bottom bitch [like I thought] LCM is making a comeback and her imaginary nemesis PeeWee is at it again!!
Someone actually took the time to make her a wiki page
Rational Wiki – Lady Checkmate
That is either dedication or hilarious, yet psychotic, art of the interwebz… maybe both?
I’m glad we have a new home so we can watch it from the safety of our office chairs while consuming an absurd amount of popcorn
I know it seems like I can’t stand all the sexist, racist, inbred, uneducated pieces of human trash that seem to find their way to comment on Disqus, but that’s just not true. I’ll truly miss you once channels have been shut down, so much so that I made a lovely farewell video for everyone to remember you by.
