Are you obsessed with As the Disq Turns?

Do you spend hours on the internet every single day obsessing about fictional, satirical soap opera characters because you see yourself and your ridiculous, angry, insane online behavior reflected in these ridiculous, angry, online fictional scenarios?

Does it upset you so much to see yourself in these fictional characters that you continually lash out and make post after post complaining about works of fiction? Posts that will ultimately make no difference because no rules are being broken? Because, if so:

The only way to cure your butthurt is to get off your damn computer, tablet, or phone and take a walk outside or something, for fuck’s sake.

This has been a Public Service Announcement from As the Disq Turns.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.