Day: September 24, 2019

  • Episode 9: Flat Tire on the Highway of Life

    Episode 9: Flat Tire on the Highway of Life

    Miraculously, the Reverend Oral Subconscious resurrected himself in several new forms and insisted it was the work of The Lord! You’d think that The Lord could spell and make some damn sense, but apparently not. In fact, the Reverend’s Sockpuppet Army, as they have become known, constantly participates in circle jerks in front of children and then denies they did so, even when presented with evidence of their activities.

    The World’s Dumbest Secret Agent Mark 3 was caught by a mad scientist and placed in a maze from which he is unable to escape, which is especially sad since the “maze” is really a straight corridor with some cheese at the end. The rats previously got to the end ages ago and are now learning to read, while poor Mark 3 is languishing. The mad scientist keeps him around for comic relief at this point.

    The Upvotologists have been kicked out of all public spaces for being disruptive and generally insane. Unfortunately for them, this means they can’t buy food in supermarkets like normal people, and have now resorted to cannibalizing the members with the fewest upvotes.

    A strange new player has arrived in town. No one knows who he is, but he keeps shouting “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!” at random passers-by, hoping they’ll pay him the least bit of attention. They don’t.

    Will the Reverend realize that the world knows that he and his sockpuppet army are all the same person?

    Will the World’s Dumbest Secret Agent Mark 3 ever get out of the maze?

    Will the Upvotologists contract some sort of brain wasting disease from eating their own?

    Does anyone know or care who Whats-His-Name is?

    Stay Tuned!

  • Episode 8-1/2: That Sure is Some Pig You Got, Granny!

    Episode 8-1/2: That Sure is Some Pig You Got, Granny!

    Grandma Moses learns that Chevy, the pig that she thought she ate, is actually alive when she sees it on a local news program. Outrageously enough, a local farmer has decided to put it up for election for a seat on the local town council.

    “I figger since an orange pig can run for President, a pink one can run for town council! Yip,” the farmer told the reporter on the screen. “Don’t matter that this ‘un can’t even walk upright or talk or nothin’! He got a nasty ol’ disposition, too! And he smells like three week ol’ shit.”

    “Well, that got through the censors! OOPS!” replied the reporter. “What’s your pig’s name? Does he have a campaign slogan?”

    “Yessir! I just call ‘im Turd ‘cos that’s what he smells like! And his slogan is ‘A VOTE FOR TURD IS A VOTE FOR A PIG’. Catchy, ain’t it?”

    Granny turned the TV off and wondered what the fuck kind of bacon she actually ate back then.

    STAY TUNED FOR OUR NEXT NAILBITING INSTALLMENT!

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