Episode 6: Are you there, God? It’s me, Oral.

And now…

As you know (because you had better have been following the As the Disq Turns saga up until now, you jerks), the Reverend Oral Subconscious was sad and lonely because the only people who would listen to his sermons were some IQ-challenged folks, Secret Agent 2 and his girlfriend Dandelion, who he met up with at the local “diner” for senior coffees every now and then.

Luckily for him (or so he thought), the local asylum decided that the inmates needed a little fear of God put into them, so they invited him in to deliver a sermon. Unfortunately, during a rather rousing portion in which the Reverend blathered on about evil gangs of women who “caroused and drank and made decisions for themselves – I mean, how dare they!” – Tex, who had been wheeled in on his Hannibal Lecter-like apparatus to listen, got a bit loud and ornery. This upset the Reverend, who hushed him and tried to remove Tex from the proceedings. Tex became enraged by this, broke free, and attempted to eat the Reverend’s face off. Luckily, he only got part of the reverend’s nose. It was really kind of an improvement.

Over on the other side of town, Professor Marvel’s long lost son, Dodo Shithole, who determined the Professor was his father after suing the local sperm bank for a DNA test, is looking through the charred remains of his father’s house to see if he can find anything of value. Lodged under a half-burned copy of “How To Be a Complete Failure Without Even Trying”, he finds a metal box that seems unharmed by the fire. With shaking hands, Dodo opens the box to find a giant vibrator and a note that reads, “I am so sorry I was mean to homosexuals and other people who enjoy anal sex. Damn, this thing felt really good up my ass. I’m just sorry I never had any children to share this with. Also, abortion is A-OK. Love, Professor Marvel.” Tears spring to Dodo’s eyes. “I had the bestest dad EVER and I’ll never get to meet him,” he thinks. He then takes the vibrator out of the box, hugs it as hard as he can, and cries for the father he’ll never know.

Little does Dodo know that Paul the Ambulance Chaser is lurking across the street with dollar signs in his eyes. That house explosion is a lawsuit waiting to happen! And it also doesn’t hurt that Darwin Hickey of the alien trio is also really hot and lives next door. There’s no law that says Paul can’t chat up a hottie while cashing in on someone’s pain, is there?https://lh3.googleuserconte…Meanwhile, the Golden Eggplant seems to have disappeared along with Limp Mongoose. Strangely enough, Limp Mongoose’s pants are still at the police station, but they’re now in the possession of some guy named Steve who insists that he’s a neurosurgeon but for some reason only has a bunch of cards that say he’s a Regional Sales Manager for a chicken feed company.

The plot thickens.



Literature as compared to Dodo’s attempts.

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