Ready for your night on the town, budding fashionista? Well, then you’d better powder up and put on your clear plastic bralet (£5) and denim janties ($315).
Then, find that Prada Frankenstein T-shirt you threw into a drawer somewhere! Only £415!
Hmmm, should you go for a skinny jean or a flare? PORQUE NO LOS DOS? Only $375!
Put on your pre-dirtied sneakers with inexplicable crystalled cherries! Only $1,250!
Don’t forget your tiny bag to hold your tiny brain! Only $258!
Have fun!
So, I’m here cleaning the place and goofing off because it’s Labor Day and as such I don’t have to go to work. (Yeah, that doesn’t make much sense, but that’s America for you.) Anyway, I ordered what was supposed to be hazelnut milk tea and this shit tastes very coffee-like. I hate coffee.
But I don’t really care because I am also rewatching Flight of the Conchords in the background.
I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow.
As my esteemed colleagues already know, the Disqus Home experiment recently concluded after approximately 3 years. An summary of our study methodology and results follows:
We investigated whether a group of commenters known for their constant demonstrated antisocial behavior (such as racism, sexism, general trolling, etc) who we designated as “MALCONTENTS” for study purposes, would eventually go insane when presented with various obstacles. In the first phase of the study, all participants (control group + malcontents) were told they would be allowed to create “channels” (i.e. no-charge discussion sites) on Disqus Home to discuss whatever they’d like, after having been exposed to the very few channels created and run by Disqus Corporate. Channels created by users immediately fell into the following categories:
To further along the experiment, we then designated random users as “All Stars”, gave them a star emoji in front of their usernames, and introduced them to the community as being “star posters that you should know”. Malcontents reactions can be summed up thusly:
Even though the malcontents started threatening to leave Disqus, the creation of All Stars apparently wasn’t enough to get them motivated to do so. At this point, Disqus announced its Hate Speech policy, after which several malcontents’ accounts were removed. However, this was not enough to deter them making new accounts over and over again (aka “sockpuppeting”), like a form of OCD, even though they supposedly hated Disqus so much. The most egregious example of this was a malcontent we will refer to as “mahatmashitbag”, who had over 100 sock accounts which he used to talk to and upvote himself. [Please refer to our other paper, “When Multiple Personality Disorder Strikes – Nuke It “, to be published next month after peer review.]
In conclusion, the commenters tested were too far gone before testing, and the Disqus system did not allow for stemming the tide of creation of multiple accounts by a single user, therefore all the results of this experiment are moot. We will start our revised experiment on our new testing ground, known as “realms”, starting immediately.
Warning disturbing content please don’t read if you’re like Urnie JR Holliday and “trigger” easily.
Circa mid 1990s. He claims he let his only daughter be taken off by a cult. Most humans with a brain speculate it’s because his father Urnie Sr Holliday had molested him from when he was a child. It was a very sad circular case, Urnie Jr Holliday assumed that since gays are bad, he can’t be gay, but could easily be tempted to sexual thoughts and actions of his own little girl, so like God in the garden of eden he sent her away from his trashy trailer and let her fend for herself.
In the most astounding display of stupidity and lack of awareness, he and his wife he called “Fatty McPlumperson” took in his nephew, since gay is bad and he truly believed gay people were far worse than child molesters or rapists, he thought that would be enough to raise the boy right and not sexually molest him. He was heard yelling at his wife by the child supervision who dropped him off.. “Ginger McFatFace, no wonder you’re named after food, you’re fatter than a pregnant whale, and make me sick. Now go make me a sammich”
He was wrong. A month after endless temptations from and innocent 8 year old (as Urnie JR saw them, he he began molesting sexually the young man whose name is protected under law. The boy escaped, only to be found being cared for by a group of bears for almost an entire week.
The boy has attempted several times since his “rescue” or in North Korea they’d call it repatriation.
In an unprecedented decision, Judge “Pity MyF-ingpantsoff” called for the boy to remain with the bears where she felt his safety, mentality, physical well being, social surroundings, wit another dozen positive examples would far outweigh any chance he had at reconnecting with his uncle who will no doubt molest, and poison him again and force him to go to local lynchings with his KKK boss, toss Urnie’s wife “Ginger’s food on the ground with him to show him how real men treat their women, and continually torture the boy.
The judge also showed pity that a clan of bears was by all tokens FAR more safe to leave the boy with than any hillbilly, racist foster home which would be found in St Maries. Not only did the judge denounce severely the behavior of Urnie Jr Holliday, she sent for and brought up Urnie’s supposedly long, lost daughter, who once went by the married name Kimberly Reedy but has been forced by her father to retake the Holliday name..
The judge pointed out how Urnie Jr had been playing Russian Roullette with his own daughter by having her smuggle dangerous amounts of drugs for him. Despite her being an adult, due to the lack of his own child rearing, she is illiterate and can only speak remembered phrases of the bible. She did not know that trying to smuggle over a pound of heroin in every single one of her orifices, including her garishly large nose could result in imminent death.
Above is the rather hideous picture of his daughter Kimberly Reedy, the judge also chastised him for not even bothering to give his own daughter a ride to court. “Who the hell type of father encourages his daughter to smuggle so much heroin she has to have emergency treatment to save her own life, in order to keep his trashy trailer in the lap of luxury?!”
Fortunately for Urnie HOllliday Jr, both his grandsons are in the Washington County penitentiary for a myriad of serious. They both appear to be in gangs, with prison tattoos on one of their faces so they have a pen pal! Unfortunately for Urnie, he was arrested for child and wife abuse in Idaho.
He has requested visits with his nephew and his new home with with the bears, everyone involved, aside Urnie himself is hoping the visits will be approved, supervised and the bears will tear his face out.
oh, and Ferd! Happy Disquspocolypse. I’ll be here with more photos of your dear grandchildren and don’t worry, my house is secure, I’m glad you were doxxed and proved to be what you pretend other’s are. You pretend thin women are fat because your family is overweight, you pretend I have a large nose despite it being half the size of your drug smuggling mule of a daughter, you worry about black on black crime when you should be worried about Holliday on Holiday or Reeder on Reeder crime.
Stay out of my closet if your owns full of trash. .. hahaha.. I still have more info on you you creep. Now, if you’re not dead yet, maybe Bubba in the Idaho State Penitentiary will make a nice example out of you and a broom stick so you could warrant real sympath for once instead of having to make up stories so Disqus will reverse their universal decision to ban you a SECOND FREAKING TIME.
I’m proud to say the first time was due to me.. Well I didn’t get you banned, your constant harassment of me did. I guess making fun of victims of extremely violent crimes is not ok anywhere but Spokane, St Maries, and Boringtown Ohio where your idiot “gernilist” is wondering how he’s going to keep his career up without the ability to tag 100’s of people per day and plagiarize popular news articles.
Farewell you old idiot.After all you’ve done, threatened, etc to my friends and I, THIS is the perfect way to let you know I don’t fVck around and if you come to my home as you have threatened, you will find that so first hand it will make your head spin off, by my gun. hahahahahahah… mr perfect Ferd was arrested for grand theft auto back in the day, a dry drunk who hell, if you think he’s mean now.. WOW, should have seen him then.
At least I quit drinking cause it wasn’t helloing my grief over my dad, who actually raised me, not because everyone in your life wanted you out.. here’s a secret: they still do.
